Kapt Kaos The Cosmic Pirate

The next time someone asks you a dumb question wouldn’t you like to respond like this?

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog, and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that, no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.

Horrified, the lady asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no. I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s behind and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Wal-Mart won’t let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

From the Austin-American Statesman:

Overall wine drinking in the U.S. rose 3.2 percent in 2007 to 292.1 million 9-liter cases, according to the Beverage Information Group.

“If wine continues to grow at these levels, the U.S. will surpass both Italy and France to become both the largest wine market and biggest wine importer in the world by the end of the decade,” says Eric Schmidt, manager of information services for the Norwalk, Conn.-based Beverage Information Group

I did some math on this and 292.1 million 9-liter cases amount to 2,628,900,000 or 2.6 billion liters of wine. That equals 694,481,905 gal. of wine. Drink up America!

Ok, so yesterday I got a little to much sun.  Today didn’t go for my run or sit in the sun.  Just stayed in, drank rum punch, fixed breakfast for everyone again.  I have been asigned to task of Mr. Tech Guy.  Downloading everone’s pic’s everyday and uploading for those that want it uploaded.  Working on other laptops and answering questions about tech stuff.  Oh well, it comes with the job.

Spent the day in town doing some shopping.  Eat lunch at our favorate place, The Jerk Pit.  Food was better then I remembered!  Will be going back for dinner tonight but that will be another post.

Wondered in to a bar called Big Daddy’s while everyone else continued shopping.  Got a refile for my port-a-drink cup.  Dennis showed up and got a rum punch as well.  Then I found that they have a hammock in the bar.

I decided it would be good idea for me to try out the hammock.  Little did I know it was only hung up with a small nail on one end.  The quote for this one is, “Ken can hold his liquor but the hammock couldn’t”.

The folks at the bar decided that if I was going to stay they should fix the hammock.  Ended up using electric wiring to tie it up.  Then they invited me over to give it a trial run.  As you can see it passed with flying colors!

Ended up back at the house for a little swimming and more rum punch.  Then it was time to head out for dinner.  Nothing much happend at dinner.  We went to Road Kill for some music and bar-b-q.  Then headed across the street for some reagga. It wasn’t so good so we headed down the beach to BC’s.  Sat and drank till it was time to head home.

Yes, I have headed off to Belize again this year. It was so much fun last year that when the opportunity came about again I wasn’t about to pass it up!

This time I am taking 10 days for my vacation. Thursday and Friday will be spent on the mainland. This is the first time I have done anything other just fly out of mainland Belize. I have to say my first impression is I will not be doing the mainland again anytime soon.

The flight out was perfect. My flight left Austin 10 minutes early and arrived in Houston just as early. This gave me just the right about of time to catch my next flight. Deported from the same terminal as I  arrived! Even landed in Belize early as well. What else can I say! Perfect!!!

Got the the airport and found the bar upstairs where I had my first rum punch in Belize. Then I got a ride to the hotel/casino. Where they let me check-in even thought the hotel wasn’t under my name. Sorry Steve and Joy, I have both room keys. You will have to find my in the hotel bar to get into the room!

Checked out the casino and played a little blackjack. I managed to leave with the same about of cash as I walked in with. I made enough that I was able to tip the blackjack dealer also. Then I blew it all on slots. Oh well, still trying to kill time waiting for Steve and Joy.

Wandered around the hotel for a while and took some pictures of the place. Now just sit’n at the hotel bar drinking rum punches and writing this crap to keep myself busy.

Talk to everyone tomorrow.